Queen Midas

I want to hear you
At the peak of pleasure
The intense
Almost overwhelming beauty of your glow
Of your weight against me
OVERCOME
by a rush
A surge of exposure
& raw satisfaction.

In the grip of a hurricane
The smell of your hair surrounds me.
The perfume of your shampoo is intoxicating
All I want to do is feel your skin on my lips.

All the blood rushes to my head & I
I want to kiss you frantically
Ensuring you feel loved & NOT invaded.
I care so much
You are precious

In my arms
You're breathing so heavy
Oh smile for me please.
Where are you?
Still in your head?
Recovering
An oasis of happiness & nirvana
Come back Love
Look inmy eyes & smile.
Rest next to me
Ill brush your hair from your face
& Ill kiss your stomach
Still moving up & down
Lie back on my pillow
catch your breath
You beautiful girl.

I feel it in my fists & my feet
& the walls of my eyelids

I felt it in my chest & my skull
& down through my ribs.

All at once I felt like a girl
IN a tie & Oxfords

Like a girl in a top hat & Tights
Only San Francisco Nights
Only people without clear missions
Start fights

Like a girl
Like a boy
Like a child
Dreaming of
The Midas Touch

Holding Hands

I have this thing about holding hands
I like it.
It's actually a pretty amazing thing
Under-appreciated.

It almost seems silly to us now
A woman's hand being so taboo to uncover
But I can see now how her hand could be so
so
So Titulating.

If you think about it
About how special it is.

In the train station yesterday
As I was decending the platform
It was so busy
Everyone was in a hurry
But
With my headphones in my ears
I could not hear the bussle
Only my own soundtrack
In front of me I saw a woman walking quickly
Then she stopped
She stopped in the middle of all the hussle
& I saw her  shortly distend her arm
Then spread her fingers out wide
Universal for "Im right here"
Just as she did this a little boy came scurrying to grab it.
& the once rabbit-hearted child was suddenly calm
he could relax
Amazing really.

Then I thought about my own recent experience with
Holding Hands
A girl
Of course
It's always a girl
Its almost magical
When it's unexpected
When it just happens to happen.

These city streets are amazing
The things they see
the things they hold
Just like hands....

When she grabbed my hand well
Well I melted
her fingers pushed in between my own.
it felt
It just felt good.

No need to make a big deal
But I enjoyed it
My heart enjoyed it
As did my hands,
My mind
& my lungs.

This simple act that we just brush off
We shouldn't
I am a strong supporter of hand holding.

Have you ever been in that obsurd conversation when you're asked
If you had to choose one or the other
Would  you choose to be without sight
Or without sound?
I say either as long as I am not without my hands.

Could you imagine not being able to touch something?
Anything? Anyone?
It's so much more than hand holding.

I can see now why a man of years ago considered it a priviledge to kiss a woman's hand.
Taking off her glove almost erotic.
But where men are quite silly & backward...
For me, I would have found it much more exciting if she took the glove off herself
Her hand outstreched allowing me to kiss
Because she wanted to feel my lips just as much as I wanted to feel her hand.

Its more than erotic
More than safety
it's comfort & it's
acceptence
Belonging is what fills my soul
When you hold my hand

Fix Me

I have a disease
These so-called Lungs
They've failed me

You know Frederic Chopin had Cystic Fibrosis...
& he was a genius.

I deny it
Just like everything else
Just like everyone else.

Bad girls make it work
Bad girls work it.
I work AT it
I fail.

It's okay
Keep your suitcase...
Im not running.

You can run down the block
Ill wait for you here on the corner...
If you ever show.

Ill be here with a pen in my hand
With a pencil in my teeth
Tea in my cup
Sugar on my lips
The crystals lining the corners of my mouth.

Fix this!
Fix me

My deer heart
yes DEER
It beats so fast
like fear
like prey.

Eyes straight ahead
Preditor
Eyes on the side
Prey

Swift you are not
Purposeful you are

I simply can not be the only one who thinks like me
Not here
Not now

Life is too short
What am I doing?
Breathing for a living
making do

Please satisfy me
Please
Just spend time with me
Notice me
SEE Me.

I want to think of someone other than myself
Let me think about you.
It'll make me happy
I promise it won't hurt.

It's all just time & energy & stories &
pride.....
just pride
lust
dignity & hate

Replace my hate
Take it's spot on my couch
I don't want it anymore.....

We're More Alike Than We Are Different

A Freak
Im horny
Is that bad?
Is it wrong for me to admit that?
While Im at it...
I've shoplifted too.
I've done cocaine, weed, & acid...
Once

It was highschool
It was College

I don't actively do drugs

I don't have an addictive personality anyway.

Except for when it comes to you.
Your attention
Your eyes... Your beautiful eyes are my audience
& Im addicted.
Watch me Girl
I like the way your eyes feel on me.

I like the way it feels naughty to sneek glances at your chest in between converstaions.
I love a woman's breasts
Smother me I dont care
Flutters in my stomach
In my chest
Wings
Makes me hungry
Makes me want to drive.

I want to use you
Animalistic
That dress is so dangerous
It causes Hair pulling
& nails down your back.
At first Im not interested in your help...
But then you move
Then you do things
& They are amazing things.

You say you are a top
A giver
But I think you're a voyar
I think you like to watch.
You like the control
You can remain Private
You don't let go
Or make yourself vulnerable
Release
Strip down from everything
let me in
Im knocking gently
Tapping really
& Im getting worse Love


I'm getting worse
But I want tell you
I won't tell myself

I'm open
But I hide

Build up
Store everything
Adding to
Adding to

The stress
The pain
The worry

Im getting worse
So I want pleasure now
Fun now
While it's still fun.


& Anyway...

We're more alike than we are different

... It was a Good Day Off

I hate that there's a street that shares your name.
This city hates me.
I despise that this street is the one across from the train station
& I have to look at it everyday.

I think about plenty of others you know.
& I do it with a smile.
I look painful when I think of you.
Maybe we're friends
I dont know
Maybe.

My life is in shambles
My nose is barely above sea level
Your life preserver sucks
I hate it too.
I ironically find myself being nicer to girls who look like you.

& now this girl...
She's so sweet
I want to overtake her.

I spent my day off masturbating
Sometimes you need that.
Oh the stress of this life!

I thought of her instead of you.
It was less painful
& I enjoyed being in charge.
I thought about what I waould say in her ear
From behind
Holding her tightly
Gripping my sheets
My mattress
Her waist.

.... It was a good day off.

I didn't think about work once.
I didn't think about the prep log
Or the pars for Saturday.
Just me
Outside of that
Me as a human
Undefined by occupation

.... It was a good day off.


Sometimes I forget I have breasts.
They're so small.
They're untouched most of the time
& When I dress I don't push them up
Or try to hide them.
I just get dressed.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the traincar window
When I was wearing a tank & a "non-work" bra.
They do have a shape
A life
A bounce
I was reminded of them by a gentleman actually.

He was nice, polite, funny & smart.
We had an interesting conversation.
& during I noticed him hiding his glance downward...
It was discreate...
but I saw.

I forget my own power as a woman.
Im so used to being powered by women
that I put my own aside & forget,

I like African American women.
I want to date one
& cook for her.
I want to have a passionate love affair.

Kiss Kiss Kiss

I hope she has a pet.
I hope she likes her family
& we can have dinners.
I hope she is a stylish dresser,
Loves to dance
& is excited about life.
Likes to read
Is outspoken & kind.

Was that a well written Craigslist ad?
I hope she thinks Im corny & cute.
I hope she likes to hold hands or link arms too.
I'd probably kiss her a lot.

Maybe she'll like
Feathers & Crafts & Tattoos & Poetry & Magicians & Funny Political Books , British Comedy, & Bold Haircuts too...

You Artsy Huh?

I hope.....


..... It was a good day off.

& I Can't Relate

I had intentions to make myself the victim today
I also had intensions to make my bed
...Make you breakfast
...make you stay.
It was nothing like I'd ever felt
Just a push to  the left & I learned.
I learned fast how to keep my head up.
You have time to be one of us girl
But it's hardly worth the time.

So we just spent the whole night
taking cheap shots
on Jamie's porch again.
Another afternoon lost to booze
& girls with tattoos.
Family portrait circa 1989

& anyway I write in all caps
because everything I say is loud & important.
& I stop sudden on street corners
to write down ideas as they come.
& I don't care who's behind me
& stops short.
These words are way too urgent.
There isn't enough space in my head for all these thoughts.

Victory is in the eye of the beholder
& it is mine.

I can see now that it meant nothing really
Just another experience.
& it's the same for me love,
Don't get the impression that I cared more
Or wanted more.
I didn't.
Im stone
Im cold
I'm ice.
It was nothing.

If I were in your position
I could act the same way.

"I'm still nice
You were great fun.
I'm not cold but...
You're not too special.
There are plenty more than you
To experience.
Im not ready to be struck.
You're important...
but not that important.
I'll kiss whomever I please.
& you shouldn't be hurt because I never said otherwise.

& when my friends see you out,
Don't be embarrassed
just because they know about the sweet things you said to me.
just because they know you wanted more.
They know I did the same to someone else last week.
Don't be embarrassed
They don't feel sorry for you,
Or superior to you because they know they can be close to me
& you can't.
You were a fling
A stolen kiss
& nothing else.

You don't look obvious love
Don't worry,
when you see me
You can say hi.
Im not a monster
You're just not special.
I like everyone.
My friends know that...
So should you.

The poems, the gifts, & sweet texts
They were nice & I responded but...
I did the same for others.

Experience
Experience

Fun
Hurt
sex
Angst
Time
Woe
Love
Sorrow
Friendship
Everything love.

Don't be sad
Keep going
On to the next
On to the next.
Don't get so caught up
Experience the world as I do.
be yourself
just do what you have to
& you'll always get by.

Skate
Skate
Skate through
Be surrounded &
Turn about
Appreciate time
Time is all we have..."


& I didn't cry like I thought I would
maybe it was possession that drove me.
maybe anyone could replace you
If they took the same steps.
& I wouldn't cry for them either.

Oh darling it was the idea of you
the idea of someone
that I fell for, not you.
I am mostly in my head anyway
So it certainly makes sense

I wanted love to be an object I could hold.
Tangible & mine.
Possession is 9/10's of the law anyway right?
Even so you have my heart
& with merely a nudge at my collar
 I would jump in line behind you
ready to be led.

Jump as high as you ask
For no reason at all.
Just because you can ask
So you do
& so do I.

I never really got what the moral of this story was anyway.
& so I sit here in this coffee shop alone
with my paper & pen & coffee & phone
& I check for messages that aren't there
& aren't coming.
Moving is a lonely game
Exciting...but
Lonely.
up & down
up & down.
But I'll find my corner

Know me
Know me
Know me
 I scream
I scream so loud on the inside
On the outside I look so obvious
Obviously wanting...

Like a puppy in a cage.
I'll please you
I'll please you
I say with my eyes
With my eager stare.
Pick me Im yours
You'll love to love me.
& in return you won't be sorry
I'll grow on you
& you won't want me to leave.

Sad eyes
Sad eyes...I have Joyful eyes when I look at you.

Eyes are happy when they like what they are looking at.
Time is happy when it likes who it's moving with.

But alas I am not a puppy
I am a girl
A woman to some
But I'm a girl when Im with you.
& pleading eyes are not attractive
& a bleeding heart is ugly.

Maybe you'll know one day Love
You'll know what lonely is in a new city.
& you will call upon the one person who you know can relate.
The one person you know really liked you.
The one person who jumped for you with smiling eyes.

Write to me lonely girl
Write to me
I'm yours.
Romance isn't dead
It is alive in me
& it will never leave.

She is my one & only
She knows all my desires
Secrets never told.
& Romance doesn't laugh in my face
She knows all too well
the Rejection of a woman.

& she'll write about it through me
& as this paper absorbs this ink
It will bleed through
Just like me
Just like you.
& you're finally golden now
& suddenly it happens...

I find myself perched on another bedpost
in another dress.
Another pretty face
The ideal
& I can't relate.

My Best Plateau...Oh What I've Learned From You!

Aside from Sydney you're my best plateau
& meeting you was fun
But there's alot of holding hands in this world set on taking it over.
& we can run & dance
Because we like the band
But neither one of us is one of them.

& now I'm losing my pace
Im losing my pace & I don't know why.
I don't know why & I dont care.
Besides...
Tales of other women
will only break before they bend
About all of your stories... you see
I just don't care...
Well hardly anymore.

I can see a change of heart
Isn't in the works for you
So what works for you?
The pieces of myself that this city takes
I should've never looked at you the morning after.
Did you change your hair?
Still shopping in the same place?
Calling you today
Would make no difference at all.

Besides I suddenly feel scared
Afraid I wouldn't know
how to hug you anymore.

So just go about your life
I don't mind that I'm not apart of it.
I may miss you first
but you'll miss me the most.