Connected....

I DO use Facebook but I think it's the devil.
I would totally friend request her but...
I fear it would cheapen our emails
& I like our emails
They are wholesome & remind me of highschool
before Facebook exsisted.

I haven't felt very connected to anyone
Not for a long time
Not since my birthday

But I think the dishwasher at work said it best when he told me...
It wasn't that he didn't like living alone
But that he needed a little supervision.
I really related to that.
When you're alone for a long time it's really easy to turn in on yourself
Become primal
Without supervision or basic societal demands
We almost give up
I mean honestly I could stop doing laundry & vaccuming for a week
& no one would know.
I could sit on the toilet with my composition book
& a sharpie in my hand
Until I've written 4 pages & there's a ring on my ass
& there would be no one there to remind me that
I should be self concious & feel weird about it.

When i was a kid & learned what infinity meant
It literally kept me up nights.
I just could not wrap my 9 year old brain around
neverending nothingness

Also I no longer think about occupation like I did when I was a kid.
I always thought i would be much more sucsessful at this age.
But I'm 28 & I've moved from West Virginia to San Francisco
like a cattle rancher recently divorced
going to the city to rope a wife & bring her back to help take care of the homestead.

I've been here 4 years & have yet to succseed at this task.
Although women are vastly different now then they were during the Gold Rush.

If my imagination could decide my reality i would live in Europe with my amazing wife & raise animals.
We'd go to the market, cook dinner, paint, drink & have amazing sex all the time.  Outside if we want.
Create art & sell it somehow.
It's like the European dream for Americans
or the American dream of Europe.
Either way it sounds romantic & stress free.
It doesn't take much if you don't need much.