Orgasmic Soiree

Female Masculinity is sex
Avant-garde:  it pushes the boundaries of  what defines a "woman"
Intoxicating
Intriguing
Pulsating
I would fuck a woman's masculinity until I was overcome with fatigue

A storm swirling
A feast of wise words
I smell now
I never smelled before, but now the smells are pouring out
Of my clothes, my feet, my socks, my hair
This is gross
I am monstrous and I love it

I knew masculinity before, but only in a woman
I have never known a man
I am a girl who laughs at herself for being this way
Stinking of love
It is what I am
A stinking factory of love for a masculine woman


I have a heart carved into my chest
Someone else did it the other day
While my mind was chained up inside her bedroom
It was the 2nd & 3rd time she'd done it
In the exact same spot
I know why she did it


If everytime I think of her she goes over it with a knife
Then one day it won't fade
I was thinking of this even as I was messaging with another girl
Imagining the comfort of lying together on her mattress
Thinking of the recieving partner's orgasmic soiree


It isn't all sex
It's the confident strut entangled in a sensitive cacoon
It's a soft endearing middle & hidden insecurities
Covered by a protective net large enough to sheild you as well.

Soft kisses & Hard fucking

Cerebrum Overload

Sometimes when you do nothing... you do nothing
And sometimes when you do nothing... you write
Which is ironic because when that happens you're no longer doing nothing.
And how is it that you can actually DO nothing?


You can not just cry all day
It will disable you
Day drinking
Passes the time
It will disable you


I don't know why I'm crying
I haven't spilled any milk
I just can't breathe
You shouldn't cry over spilled milk
But what if you've spilled your guts
I believe that warrents some tears

At least my dissability doesn't render me unbearable
At least I haven't been diagnosed with the cronice widespread plague of being an asshole
That should be a dissablitity
I would love to see thoes test results
"I'm sorry Sir, but according to our tests, you have...
Religious Intolerance
Racial Intolerance &
Queer Intolerance
I think you should no longer be apart of the workforce
We just can not risk you infecting everyone else with your poisionious mouth clutter"


I'm getting tired
I'm getting tired of my love
I'm getting tired of lugging it around all the time
My love should lose some weight
If it would just walk away sometimes so I wouldn't have to carry it
Maybe we'd both get somewhere.

Connected....

I DO use Facebook but I think it's the devil.
I would totally friend request her but...
I fear it would cheapen our emails
& I like our emails
They are wholesome & remind me of highschool
before Facebook exsisted.

I haven't felt very connected to anyone
Not for a long time
Not since my birthday

But I think the dishwasher at work said it best when he told me...
It wasn't that he didn't like living alone
But that he needed a little supervision.
I really related to that.
When you're alone for a long time it's really easy to turn in on yourself
Become primal
Without supervision or basic societal demands
We almost give up
I mean honestly I could stop doing laundry & vaccuming for a week
& no one would know.
I could sit on the toilet with my composition book
& a sharpie in my hand
Until I've written 4 pages & there's a ring on my ass
& there would be no one there to remind me that
I should be self concious & feel weird about it.

When i was a kid & learned what infinity meant
It literally kept me up nights.
I just could not wrap my 9 year old brain around
neverending nothingness

Also I no longer think about occupation like I did when I was a kid.
I always thought i would be much more sucsessful at this age.
But I'm 28 & I've moved from West Virginia to San Francisco
like a cattle rancher recently divorced
going to the city to rope a wife & bring her back to help take care of the homestead.

I've been here 4 years & have yet to succseed at this task.
Although women are vastly different now then they were during the Gold Rush.

If my imagination could decide my reality i would live in Europe with my amazing wife & raise animals.
We'd go to the market, cook dinner, paint, drink & have amazing sex all the time.  Outside if we want.
Create art & sell it somehow.
It's like the European dream for Americans
or the American dream of Europe.
Either way it sounds romantic & stress free.
It doesn't take much if you don't need much.

Queen Midas

I want to hear you
At the peak of pleasure
The intense
Almost overwhelming beauty of your glow
Of your weight against me
OVERCOME
by a rush
A surge of exposure
& raw satisfaction.

In the grip of a hurricane
The smell of your hair surrounds me.
The perfume of your shampoo is intoxicating
All I want to do is feel your skin on my lips.

All the blood rushes to my head & I
I want to kiss you frantically
Ensuring you feel loved & NOT invaded.
I care so much
You are precious

In my arms
You're breathing so heavy
Oh smile for me please.
Where are you?
Still in your head?
Recovering
An oasis of happiness & nirvana
Come back Love
Look inmy eyes & smile.
Rest next to me
Ill brush your hair from your face
& Ill kiss your stomach
Still moving up & down
Lie back on my pillow
catch your breath
You beautiful girl.

I feel it in my fists & my feet
& the walls of my eyelids

I felt it in my chest & my skull
& down through my ribs.

All at once I felt like a girl
IN a tie & Oxfords

Like a girl in a top hat & Tights
Only San Francisco Nights
Only people without clear missions
Start fights

Like a girl
Like a boy
Like a child
Dreaming of
The Midas Touch

Holding Hands

I have this thing about holding hands
I like it.
It's actually a pretty amazing thing
Under-appreciated.

It almost seems silly to us now
A woman's hand being so taboo to uncover
But I can see now how her hand could be so
so
So Titulating.

If you think about it
About how special it is.

In the train station yesterday
As I was decending the platform
It was so busy
Everyone was in a hurry
But
With my headphones in my ears
I could not hear the bussle
Only my own soundtrack
In front of me I saw a woman walking quickly
Then she stopped
She stopped in the middle of all the hussle
& I saw her  shortly distend her arm
Then spread her fingers out wide
Universal for "Im right here"
Just as she did this a little boy came scurrying to grab it.
& the once rabbit-hearted child was suddenly calm
he could relax
Amazing really.

Then I thought about my own recent experience with
Holding Hands
A girl
Of course
It's always a girl
Its almost magical
When it's unexpected
When it just happens to happen.

These city streets are amazing
The things they see
the things they hold
Just like hands....

When she grabbed my hand well
Well I melted
her fingers pushed in between my own.
it felt
It just felt good.

No need to make a big deal
But I enjoyed it
My heart enjoyed it
As did my hands,
My mind
& my lungs.

This simple act that we just brush off
We shouldn't
I am a strong supporter of hand holding.

Have you ever been in that obsurd conversation when you're asked
If you had to choose one or the other
Would  you choose to be without sight
Or without sound?
I say either as long as I am not without my hands.

Could you imagine not being able to touch something?
Anything? Anyone?
It's so much more than hand holding.

I can see now why a man of years ago considered it a priviledge to kiss a woman's hand.
Taking off her glove almost erotic.
But where men are quite silly & backward...
For me, I would have found it much more exciting if she took the glove off herself
Her hand outstreched allowing me to kiss
Because she wanted to feel my lips just as much as I wanted to feel her hand.

Its more than erotic
More than safety
it's comfort & it's
acceptence
Belonging is what fills my soul
When you hold my hand

Fix Me

I have a disease
These so-called Lungs
They've failed me

You know Frederic Chopin had Cystic Fibrosis...
& he was a genius.

I deny it
Just like everything else
Just like everyone else.

Bad girls make it work
Bad girls work it.
I work AT it
I fail.

It's okay
Keep your suitcase...
Im not running.

You can run down the block
Ill wait for you here on the corner...
If you ever show.

Ill be here with a pen in my hand
With a pencil in my teeth
Tea in my cup
Sugar on my lips
The crystals lining the corners of my mouth.

Fix this!
Fix me

My deer heart
yes DEER
It beats so fast
like fear
like prey.

Eyes straight ahead
Preditor
Eyes on the side
Prey

Swift you are not
Purposeful you are

I simply can not be the only one who thinks like me
Not here
Not now

Life is too short
What am I doing?
Breathing for a living
making do

Please satisfy me
Please
Just spend time with me
Notice me
SEE Me.

I want to think of someone other than myself
Let me think about you.
It'll make me happy
I promise it won't hurt.

It's all just time & energy & stories &
pride.....
just pride
lust
dignity & hate

Replace my hate
Take it's spot on my couch
I don't want it anymore.....

We're More Alike Than We Are Different

A Freak
Im horny
Is that bad?
Is it wrong for me to admit that?
While Im at it...
I've shoplifted too.
I've done cocaine, weed, & acid...
Once

It was highschool
It was College

I don't actively do drugs

I don't have an addictive personality anyway.

Except for when it comes to you.
Your attention
Your eyes... Your beautiful eyes are my audience
& Im addicted.
Watch me Girl
I like the way your eyes feel on me.

I like the way it feels naughty to sneek glances at your chest in between converstaions.
I love a woman's breasts
Smother me I dont care
Flutters in my stomach
In my chest
Wings
Makes me hungry
Makes me want to drive.

I want to use you
Animalistic
That dress is so dangerous
It causes Hair pulling
& nails down your back.
At first Im not interested in your help...
But then you move
Then you do things
& They are amazing things.

You say you are a top
A giver
But I think you're a voyar
I think you like to watch.
You like the control
You can remain Private
You don't let go
Or make yourself vulnerable
Release
Strip down from everything
let me in
Im knocking gently
Tapping really
& Im getting worse Love


I'm getting worse
But I want tell you
I won't tell myself

I'm open
But I hide

Build up
Store everything
Adding to
Adding to

The stress
The pain
The worry

Im getting worse
So I want pleasure now
Fun now
While it's still fun.


& Anyway...

We're more alike than we are different